The monster called loneliness

 

                                 

Loneliness is an insidious fiend. A hydra-headed  monster, it quietly sneaks in unawares, sets up camp inside the private, pristine spaces of your mind/consciousness and then takes full control à la wily China in eastern Ladhakh; ... or, biologically speaking, the invisible but ubiquitous virus -  Corona, Pox or Flue - that catches us off guard. Some types are identifiable and familiar. For instance the gnawing loneliness that haunts us when a loved one departs to the Great Unknown Beyond. Worse, if it is premature and unexpected caused either by ailment or accident. After the initial shock and numbness, as the sense of loss sinks in, one has to contend with the walls that whisper; the old belongings of the departed acquire tooth and claw of sorrow and inflict pain; and the memories hum and buzz day in and day out in the steamy brew being stirred up by this loathsome witch called loss/death. This void of loneliness is perhaps the most terrible and needs a strong, patient, resilient heart to deal with.

Next comes the loneliness of temporary partings and goodbyes: your siblings setting sail from the cosy home to explore wider horizons and newer worlds. It leaves you sullen, wistful and sad. But then it is transitory. Over time good reason walks in as your wise counsel and things gradually settle down to normalcy except perhaps occasional sighs and gasps.

And … and what about the loneliness that falls like a dark shadow when your dear beloved, your heartthrob, suddenly walks on you leaving you shell shocked and your edifice of dreams,  mutual vows and promises comes crashing down? For a “monotonous monogamist” like me these are uncharted waters, but it is not hard to fathom what crushing loneliness this pain of loss inflicts on the hapless victim(s). For sure, it takes a sagacious, self-counselling heart to negotiate this gulf of loneliness and get one’s strides back.

From a man’s point of view, there is the peculiar loneliness triggered by the spouse visiting her mayika. For the patriarchal Indian males like us as eerie silences begin to pervade and the slumbering devil of loneliness begins its prowl to strike, the kitchen takes the lead in throwing cold mocking stares and snide smiles. Most of the time is spent planning and making breakfast and worrying about the next meal as well as searching for hankies and socks and other items of daily use.  But this parting provides some alleviating moments as well. You can pour an extra drink, invite a friend to let your hair down and dwell on old memories of sins and follies of the youth, as also find more time to read!

Some kinds are subtle and subjective depending on our emotional vulnerabilities and sensitivities towards the world we live in. A rebuke, reprimand or insult by your boss/ teacher/Dad-Mom and the consequent sulk that makes you sad and lonely … An angry word by your dear one … A nasty hurtful troll on the social media … Loss of face on any account … And injustices: the personal by your very own blinded by greed; and the general inflicted by State & Society including the sickening loneliness of wars, violence, brutalities, vote-bank politics and of human suffering as a whole.

Last, there is the brooding loneliness that overwhelms the old craving for a smile, a kind word or a caress from the world-busy kin.

The point to ponder is: Can we with books and birds, dawns and dusks (sunsets), flowers and friends, possibly, tame and transform the many-fanged monster of loneliness into the bliss of solitude?

Perhaps yes.

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